Did you know you can absorb other’s bad Ju? Neither did I.
I spent years volunteering, working with needy, down trodden, miserable folk. By that I mean Do Gooders in Uber Suburbia. These groups of women are comprised of bored miserable housewives, or working women with chips on their shoulders, all of them with something to prove. Mind you, not ALL the people I worked with were miserable. Just a handful at a time really. At the same time I was intimately helping out three family members who have since passed away. Friends who weren’t really friends. Kids who are growing up, working full time, and a husband who was becoming increasingly unhappy at a job whose office was downsizing significantly.
When dealing with death, I’ve learned that many family members can’t handle it, and go off the deep end, requiring my involvement with them to consist of keeping the peace, and planning ahead in every detail what to and what not to do, in order to keep them from exploding on everyone around them. Whew – was that a run on sentence? (rhetorical, don’t answer) I don’t know why I took on that role of peace keeper, in hindsight, letting them explode might have been extremely healing for all involved. Or not. My hindsight isn’t exactly 20/20.
Anyhow, long story short – I was becoming physically ill. Debilitatingly so. Anxiety was hitting hard, and I was having system failures from my joints to my lungs to my GI tract. I was becoming a mess.
Then, someone in a random conversation told me I had been absorbing other folks bad feelings, negativity, guilt, pressure, etc. relieving them of pain, while holding it in and not letting it out of my own system. That my body can’t handle all that negativity, especially when most of it isn’t mine. Well, that sounded super hokey bullshit to me. I dismissed it instantly. Called my sister to mock this person. She said there was something to it and I shouldn’t just dismiss it. That made me sit up and take head. Maybe there was something to this. Maybe.
The thought wouldn’t leave me. It lingered like a dog fart in a studio apartment. So, I started looking on the internet for validation (seriously, it’s not like I was going to go to a library). Then when the world wide web showed me that a number of people out there really do have issues with absorbing others feelings.(hmmm, maybe there is something to this. Maybe).
The next day I was in the shower – it’s where I do my best thinking – and then, it hit me – Clarity. I could see the layers of other people’s bad feelings. The layers were super thin, like a lysterine strip. But they were there piled one on top of the other suddenly plain as day.
As I washed my self, my mind was also beginning to cleanse itself too. One layer at a time I peeled them off. I could breath better, I felt lighter, the sun shone brighter through the window. I washed the death of my family members, and the survivors guilt and negativity right out. I washed my husbands job related feelings, the volunteer’s mean girl attitudes and insecurities, I washed my mom and aunts grief right out of my head. It continued. Years of other people, in my head, in my heart, just peeled right off. It felt great to be rid of them.
It was amazing. I had clarity for the first time in years.
Within a week, my physical symptoms starting leaving me. I didn’t feel bad, negative, or in pain anymore. I was starting to heal, and I continue to heal. I am a better mom, wife, friend, and worker today.
Say what you want, but being a horse led to water and actually drinking it, did wonders for me.